Sex Tips for Animals—A Lighthearted Look at Mating

I'm a peacock, but I have a lousy tail. It isn't very big and the eyespots are wonky. The hens don't even feign indifference; they don't look at me at all. Is there anything I can do to impress them?—Invisible in Sri Lanka
Poor old "Invisible" has one of the most common problems of all, says Dr. Tatiana, a lonely hearts columnist for all species. All the girls want the rich handsome guy, not the poor ugly pimply one in the corner. Perhaps if he joined a gang, she advises, he might at least sneak in some mating opportunities on the sly.